I started the week with a “Messy Monday”. I am determined to end it on a better note. My life isn’t exactly in a season of peace. I wake up every morning to a new giant, feeling very ill equipped with a spatula in my hand instead of a sling-shot and a stone. (Like maybe if I threaten to spank the giant he’ll run away? Yeah, that doesn’t even work on my 2 yr olds.) And I have this little faith in this BIG God who I so want to trust but am afraid He just might not be for me… Like he might be on the giant’s side… So I tremble. And I scramble to figure out what my plan should be for the battle, and I feel alone as I prepare for the worst.
What amazes me is this… When I am trembling, not trusting, not resting, not believing, He whispers soft, “I am with you. I won’t leave you. I am for you. You are mine. You don’t have to be afraid.” And I don’t always listen. So He shouts “Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or terrified because of them. I will go with you! I will never leave or forsake you.” Oh how I want to believe it. I have such a hard time believing that anyone, much less a holy God, would want to be “for me”. I have always had this deep belief that I am hard to love, hard to be close to, and it affects every relationship, even with my Savior. My default mode is self-protection. At its worst, this looks like paranoia, anxiety, doubt, and yes, overwhelming fear.
How do you overcome fear? I’ve certainly faced some giants before. And God has surely carried me safely through battles in the past. And I’ve grown and been stronger and had more faith as a result, that is UNTIL the next giant steps out of the shadows and I forget. So maybe the key is to learn to REMEMBER. If my mind is fixed on what God has brought me through, what He has done in my cold-hard heart to make it soft and tender again, then would the giant maybe shrink a little? And if I can fix my thoughts on His words, His promises, would that giant look even smaller? And what if I sang out loud in praise of Who He Is, would my fear turn to anticipation of what God can do on behalf of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose? I think I’ll try it and see. In fact, just in writing these words my heart has settled a bit. God uses this plastic keyboard to open me up and call me out of myself. The rest of you probably think I’m nuts, and it’s probably not far from the truth. But I don’t mind being a fool for One who comes to my rescue when all seems lost.
What is there, really, to be afraid of? Simply put, it is a CHOICE to be afraid… Because God’s word tells us over and over again that we don’t have to be. I think sometimes we are afraid because we think we should be, like maybe the fear and worry will serve to protect us somehow, and my friends, that is a lie! This is a day for filling our minds with TRUTH. I’m choosing today to trust. And to cast my anxiety on Him because He cares for me. If I have to face giants, (and we all do), I want to be ready and confident in the One who fights for me. It seems so silly to think I could come up with a successful strategy of my own apart from Him. Hmmm… seems like I’ve tried that before with not-so-stellar results…. I think I’ll step down and let Him fight this one for me.