Let me start by saying, if you are a guy, you won’t want to read past here. Nothing graphic contained, you just won’t get it.
My doctor wants to change my hormone medication. So she asked me to STOP taking any for two months. Month one was a breeze, and I was all like “Hey, I don’t even need that stuff any more! I’m healed! Hallelujah.” 2 weeks into month two and my husband started wearing that perplexed expression that is some mixture of fear and amusement. So, yeah, I obviously still need something to balance me out.
In the meantime, I am writing lessons about putting on the character of Christ. Please allow the irony of that to sink in.
So last night, I dreamed that my husband did something really mean, and then acted like it was no big deal. So this morning, I woke up all sad and mad and he was like “What is the big deal?” And I was like “That!! That is the big deal!” Sigh. It must be so hard to be a man. Wait no, it isn’t because NOTHING is a big deal.
And I almost let it ruin my day. The dream, the hormones, the feeling like I really might need anti-psychotic medication and not just hormone therapy… The frustration of being so, so far from “clothed in the character and righteousness of Christ”, and so covered in my own shortcomings and flaws and human-ness. Messy.
But God loves me. And He apparently is compassionate toward messy, hormonal mamas who need a do-over. Because I opened up my Sunday School lesson for this week and the title was “Do- Over”. I am not making this up. First question: “Do you ever wish your life had a big, round reset button?” YES!! Yes I do!! Like, almost everyday. The first point: “You can’t meet God’s standard on your own.” Ummm, yes. I know this. This is not news to me. This is like doctrine 101. The first thing you learn is that you can’t measure up. Not on your best day, not your best 10 minutes, not your most self-sacrificing good deed. None of it is good enough. I get it.
Ahem, then why do I act like it is up to me to do better, try harder, be nicer, gentler, patient-er, and all those other “ers”?
“For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed–a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.'” Romans 1:17
Our righteousness, my righteousness, won’t come from moral perfection.
Righteousness only comes through faith. Salvation begins by faith and continues by faith. Sometimes we believe that “begins by faith” part, but we still think it is up to us to live up to it. Here is some bad news: We can’t.
Here is some good news: We don’t have to.
So, if you started off on the wrong foot this morning, let me be the first to say, you can have a do-over. Or two, or three, or however many you need. Because God isn’t measuring your attitudes and reactions with a big stick waiting to send you to time-out to think about all the stuff you’ve messed up today. He is simply waiting for you to turn to Him and say,”I need You. Oh I need You. Every hour, I need You.” (If you want to sing it He’d probably be fine with that too.) Because THAT is faith. Trusting Him to carry us through the days that are hard, believing He is enough when we are not. And that is our righteousness. Just Him. Not us. And that is freedom.